Change

I’m floating.
Suspended in some kind of weird limbo state.
My art supplies are still kind of in disarray in our second bedroom. I haven’t really touched them since unpacking. I’ve had all kinds of time on my hands, but I think I might be in some mild form of shock.
Leaving California and moving to Memphis has been a HUGE change.
Why is it sooo hot outside? Why do people keep stepping in front of my car? Has anyone here ever heard of a crosswalk? Where are the salads? Lol.

The apartment has sort of become my little cocoon. Even though I usually like exploring, I haven’t had a strong desire to do so. Our apartment is the only familiar thing right now during a time when I’m dealing with leaving my home, my family and my friends. Memphis couldn’t possibly be more different than where I’m from. Well, ok, it’s not like Memphians speak a different language, so I guess there’s that. But I’ve noticed I frequently have to repeat myself and I think it’s because to everyone else I’m the one with the accent.
The funny thing is that ten years ago, I wanted nothing more than to leave everything, and embark out on my own. That was before I realized I needed people. I can’t help laughing a little when I think about what I was like between 18 and 21. 30 year old me is a much slower, humbler and less ambitious creature. For example, when I found a Taco Bell a few weeks ago (yay, something familiar and predictable!), I was really excited. That was the high of my day. And I’m okay with that. 😉

The up side of being completely out of my element here, is that I appreciate my husband much more. It’s like the idea that I have this partner for life is freshly sinking in now. I’m not in the work grind, and there’s no one else really to rely on. It’s really good. I keep staring at him. Or getting happy little flutters when I see his clothes in the closet. I like being married to him. Tonight he made me laugh so hard I was crying– I’m talking black eyes from mascara going everywhere kind of crying– and my stomach was all cramped once I finally stopped laughing.

Conclusion?
I miss home.
Change is super hard for me.
Randall is awesome.

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