oh yeah…

i do know how to draw!

i love this feeling. this is the feeling that i get after i’ve been on art hiatus
aka decided to spend time with people instead of creating,
which has always been an issue/ not so successful balancing act.
actually there is no balance, who am i kidding. i love people.
and people almost always win.
and i feel it’s time well spent, but my little artist gets hungry.
the cool thing that i can celebrate currently, is that the creative urge
is actually there.
tonight after my love went home, i busted out my sketch pad
and a pack of sketching pencils i bought in santa barbara, but never used.
derwent knows how to make a pencil, oh <3.
i remember my first ever art class, my teacher complimented my sketches
and then very graciously and politely pointed out that i was pretty much
indenting the paper with my hb pencil trying to get the shading dark enough.
i went out and bought some drawing pencils at her suggestion
and immediately fell in love.

anyways…feeling good about just plain ol' sketching. ahhhhh. deep breath. *sigh*
it's like a long drink of water after a five mile run.
i must be an artist or something.

So this is the new year…

“i wish the world was flat like the old days

and i could travel just by folding a map

no more airplanes or speedtrains or freeways

there’d be no distance that could hold us back…”

Said goodbye to my love who lives in Berkeley at 5:30 am this morning.

Standing in the rain, watching him drive away in the yellow cab, crying like the girl that I am, I realized again how much this man means to me. Went back to sleep for several hours, woke up, and resolved once more to get myself a darn job in the bay area. Not only is commission retail sales stressful and soul killing, it zaps all my energy so that in a good week I apply to only six job listings. That’s not enough. I know this. I fired off several applications and resumes for hours until I could no longer even comprehend the job postings and the words all ran together. Took a break, ate some food, watched the first episode of 24. Started thinking about him again, and had a burst of energy, enough to get me to break out my sketchbook (!) It’s been muuuuuuuuch too long since the last time I sketched anything. I’m really out of practice and my hand’s a little rusty, but hey that’s how it always is in the beginning when you’re trying to get your drawing hand back. You really can’t judge beginnings, just work through them. For me, sketching is where it all starts. That’s when serious business starts, and when the ideas start to come. Getting there, working up the motivation is the hard part. But all that happened was that I was thinking about my wonderful boyfriend, and suddenly I just felt like drawing. And I realized again how much this love has awakened me.