So this is the new year…

“i wish the world was flat like the old days

and i could travel just by folding a map

no more airplanes or speedtrains or freeways

there’d be no distance that could hold us back…”

Said goodbye to my love who lives in Berkeley at 5:30 am this morning.

Standing in the rain, watching him drive away in the yellow cab, crying like the girl that I am, I realized again how much this man means to me. Went back to sleep for several hours, woke up, and resolved once more to get myself a darn job in the bay area. Not only is commission retail sales stressful and soul killing, it zaps all my energy so that in a good week I apply to only six job listings. That’s not enough. I know this. I fired off several applications and resumes for hours until I could no longer even comprehend the job postings and the words all ran together. Took a break, ate some food, watched the first episode of 24. Started thinking about him again, and had a burst of energy, enough to get me to break out my sketchbook (!) It’s been muuuuuuuuch too long since the last time I sketched anything. I’m really out of practice and my hand’s a little rusty, but hey that’s how it always is in the beginning when you’re trying to get your drawing hand back. You really can’t judge beginnings, just work through them. For me, sketching is where it all starts. That’s when serious business starts, and when the ideas start to come. Getting there, working up the motivation is the hard part. But all that happened was that I was thinking about my wonderful boyfriend, and suddenly I just felt like drawing. And I realized again how much this love has awakened me.

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Sweaters make me feel arty.

Maybe my brain and body remember all those cold nights I spent awake in the studio working on paintings or making paper. There’s something about fall and winter that make me want to create. I was in Anthropologie today while I was on my lunch, and I fell in love with this sweater.

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Of course, it may as well have cost a million dollars, since my retail paycheck doesn’t afford me a whole lot. I had a birthday discount card though that’s been burning a hole in my wallet, so I settled for a candle instead. I once bought a coconut milk mango candle made of soy wax there that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever smelled in my entire life. I loved it so much I burned the whole thing in less than a year. I kept trying to find it again for years, and today I found it! Now my room smells like…heaven. Yes, heaven. This must be what heaven smells like.

 

 

Supposedly,

I am an artist. But sometimes life gets in the way. I’ve determined to start creating more, even if for my eyes only. I was inspired by visiting my friend Michaela’s blog where she posts things that inspire her art. I like this idea, and I’ve been feeling the creative urge lately, so remembering a creative director’s recommendation of word press, I decided to give it a shot myself. I hope to post some of my own work eventually, but in the meantime I’ll just let this be the place all things that inspire me creatively flow to.

The header image above is a detail of an ink and watercolor painting I did on cotton and hemp paper I made by hand.